Online grooming: warning signs and what to do

How online grooming works

Groomers don't all behave the same way, but NCMEC and police forces describe a pattern that comes up again and again:

1. A fake or younger identity. A profile on a social network, in an online game or on a chat app. The groomer often pretends to be another teenager – NCMEC lists pretending to be younger, or a different gender, among their tactics.
2. Building rapport. Compliments, shared interests ("I play that game too"), liking the child's posts. NCMEC notes that some offenders research a child's interests, friends, school and family on social media before making contact.
3. Gifts and favours. Gift cards, in-game currency or other incentives that make the child feel they owe something.
4. Sexual talk and requests for images. The conversation moves to sex or role-play. The groomer may send explicit images or offer a trade: "I'll show you if you show me."
5. Moving to private channels and secrecy. They push the chat to private messaging or video apps and present the relationship as something special that parents "wouldn't understand".
6. A meeting – or blackmail. The aim is to meet in person, or to use the images to demand more images or money.

Once a groomer has intimate images, they may use them as leverage. NCMEC counts this sextortion as part of online enticement. We explain how sextortion works with adults in Sextortion email: what to do – the pressure is the same, but with children it's far more serious.

Warning signs for parents

You might notice that your child:

• has a new online "friend" they've never met and is vague about who it is,
• hides their screen, switches apps quickly when you walk in or is online late at night,
• has gifts, gift cards or in-game currency and can't explain where they came from,
• has become secretive and withdrawn from family and friends,
• seems anxious, upset or scared after using their phone or console,
• wants to meet someone from the internet, or comes back from "seeing a friend" you know nothing about.

None of these signs proves anything on its own. What should make you act is the combination: an unknown adult or "teen", secrecy, gifts, sexual topics and talk of meeting.

What to do right now

1. Stay calm and don't blame your child. They are the victim. If they fear punishment – losing their phone, being told off – they won't come to you next time, and the groomer counts on that.
2. Is a meeting planned? Call the police. Use 911 in the US or 999 in the UK (your local emergency number elsewhere). Don't try to handle it yourself and don't go to the meeting in your child's place.
3. Don't delete anything. NCMEC advises blocking the account but not deleting the profile or messages, because they help stop the offender. Take screenshots of the chat and the offender's profile: username, profile link, phone numbers, payment details.
4. Don't copy or forward intimate images of your child – not as evidence, not to the police by email. Leave the device as it is and tell the police the images are there.
5. Don't reply, negotiate or pay. If there's blackmail, NCMEC warns that cooperating or paying rarely stops it.
6. Block and report the account on the platform – the game, app or social network – once you've saved the evidence.
7. Report it to the CyberTipline or CEOP (see below), and to your local police. It's worth reporting even if no meeting took place.
8. Secure your child's accounts. If the groomer knew a password or logged in to an account, follow Hacked account: what to do – new password, sign out other devices, two-step verification.

Where to report it

The CyberTipline accepts reports of suspected online enticement of children. NCMEC staff review each report, try to find a likely location and make it available to the appropriate law enforcement agency. In the UK, the National Crime Agency asks parents worried about something that happened to their child online to report it to CEOP.

Take It Down helps people who have explicit images or videos of themselves taken when they were under 18. The image stays on the device – only a digital fingerprint (a hash) goes to NCMEC, which shares it with participating platforms so they can find and remove copies. If you want to see how such a fingerprint works, our hash calculator shows it on any file you choose, without uploading it.

If your child doesn't feel ready to talk to you or the police, CEOP points UK children to Childline, where they can talk anonymously online or by phone – the free number is 0800 1111. Adults in the UK who are worried about a child can call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.

How to protect your child in advance

• Talk before anything happens. Keep it short and calm: "If someone online wants to meet you, asks for photos or says it's a secret, tell me. I won't be angry."
• Agree a rule about meetings. Never meet anyone from the internet without a parent knowing – and a first meeting only in a public place, with an adult.
• No intimate photos, to anyone. Not to a "friend", not for a second. An image that's been sent can't be taken back.
• Check privacy settings. Private profiles, messages only from friends, and limited chat with strangers in games. NCMEC notes that some children lie about their age to get onto platforms – set up accounts together so the right protections apply.
• Check links before opening them. A link from a stranger can lead to a fake login page. Our Suspicious Link Checker shows where it really goes.
• Give your child a simple rule: "Anyone who wants secrets, photos or a meeting – I tell a parent."

Adults face the same kind of manipulation – a fake identity, a long build-up, then a demand. We describe it in Romance scam: how to spot it and what to do.